What I want to learn

I just read a post by a young man who wants to be a writer. I also want to be a writer. Everyone wants to be a writer. We all want to make a difference, express ourselves and be extraordinary. The problem for me is, I am not really sure I am extraordinary. I don't mean that in a bad way. I can and often do, spread joy and sunshine. I raised some pretty amazing kids. I am a good friend and a decent neighbor. Perhaps that can be considered extraordinary in a way, but I want to be the next Jane Austen or someone like that. How does one become extraordinary? I expect passion is one requirement. Another might be a willingness to fail and still keep trying. I believe determination, and self discipline are also necessary. I am a fairly nice person, wise on occasion and often creative, but self discipline and I have never actually met. I am notoriously lazy and I prefer to watch movies rather than engaging in more productive pursuits. I motivate myself with the expectations of others rather than what I might want or expect of myself. The truth is, I cannot find self discipline because it is nearly impossible to discipline myself to develop self discipline. Kind of a catch 22 if you know what I mean. The other problem is passion. I can get very passionate about things but, honestly, that "motivating myself with the expectations of others", thing has kind of come back to bite me in the butt. I have learned very well how to know what others expect, but I have no clue what I expect. I don't know what I want. It is rather sad and it is really common in mothers who have spent years trying to read the minds of their children who can't yet talk, and then who can talk but won't, or anticipate the needs of husbands who never learned to articulate feelings.
I am taking classes at the University in Art and English. I know I want to do that but I don't know why. I get asked all the time what I want to do with my schooling. I usually say I am going to learn something I want to know. This is true, but why do I want to know it? Do I want to be a writer? That is what I said at the beginning of this post. I just don't know what I want to write. I used to think I had some great wisdom to pass on. I am learning, I am just not that wise, or insightful. Do I have some interesting story to tell? Not really. So, I find myself in the "autumn of my life" and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, or if I do really want to be writer, I don't know why or what I should say.